Stepping off the plane I was still not sure if my excitement over a new (and somehow more "real") adventure would win out over a lurking shadow of PTSD from my previous visit.
My four months in India and Pakistan 25 years ago were eye-opening, wonderful, occasionally traumatic, and often hard work. We did it on a budget, took long train and bus journeys, got dangerously ill and yet had the time of our lives.
A lot has changed, both in India (online train bookings!!) and in my own life of course. I have wanted to come back but we weren't sure about the age of our kids for it, and how hard it would be. I did a bit of research hoping for categorical yes or no answers. I found many a blogger who came here as a backpacker in their twenties and was now dragging their semi-willing partner and rather reluctant children through India trying to recapture the glory days.
Having contemplated the pros and cons, 3 big things made the decision easy in the end: a wonderful landing point at Michelle's apartment in Bengaluru, a more-than-willing partner in travel, and two kids who either don't really notice what is going on around them, or take it all in their stride.
We have learned over the past 4 months in Europe to slow things down, move less often, have plenty of low key days, and enjoy being in the moment. This is the perfect pre-work for India.
We stepped off the plane and met our driver, who calmly navigated the horrendous traffic for almost 2 hrs. First moment of the subtle resurfacing of PTSD as cars, buses, tuk tuks and scooters squeezed and weaved without an angry word or look. Flashbacks to speeding buses on narrow mountain roads.
The incredible home cooked food and a great night's sleep were a wonderful tonic, but also led to the next moment of doubt. Did I have the stamina to leave the cocoon, step over wiring and construction debris, risk life and limb to cross the street, politely refuse drums/chess sets/handicrafts shops/offers to assist financially with family members' forthcoming surgery? The lure of the peaceful sanctuary is great!
However, without exception, it is worth getting yourself out the door. You are awakened at every moment to something new, and refreshed in your outlook towards what you have and want and need in this world.
And then you can return to the sanctuary to let it all sink in.
So far, it was definitely the right decision!
Sidenote - the final major tramatic incident from my previous visit involved the unpleasant after effects of a fish tikka dinner. So far all is well on that front tho am not sure I will be partaking this time around.